Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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