im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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