if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Found the puke drawer
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize