I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
