I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
