i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
