they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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