do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
