i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
