What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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