I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
