guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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