BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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