i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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