If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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