You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk is not a location!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
