Pregnant stripper...not hot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
