he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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