WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
