i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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