Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
