I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
