It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
