I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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