I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize