I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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