whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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