What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
