it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
