i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
