He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
