Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
