I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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