I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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