Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
