first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
