I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the day after is always just damage control
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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