weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
