the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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