Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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