Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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