you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize