Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
