so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i've created a new STD.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
