So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
