So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
