Having a random hookup so left but love u
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
