I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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