ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
