I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
