I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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