I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize