Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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