I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize