I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
