Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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