I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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