Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
