i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
