That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
