we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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