the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
