WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
