Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
